I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize