The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm going to jail i love you
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
