You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
