As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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