I want to have your abortion
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
