took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My life is pants optional.
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