I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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