Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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