We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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