did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm at about main and main street
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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