writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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