are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
