HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
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