thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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