Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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