I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
