So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The adults are the big ones right?
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