officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
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Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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