my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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