Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
