Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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