he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
