god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
