No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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