just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just blew my weed a kiss
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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