dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
