last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
