Just fell off a train. Bad.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
