I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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