it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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