Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
