I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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