I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
