DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
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She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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