i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
