Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she peed on how many people?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
