I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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