jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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