I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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