you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
