I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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