well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
