oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
