God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Drunk is a universal language darling
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