she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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