you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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