Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
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I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
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All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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