my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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