Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
