Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
