so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
