I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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