So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
