And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize