I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i've created a new STD.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
