I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
