I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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