So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
