And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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