walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
