it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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